onsdag 17 januari 2007

Heartbeats

I called J last night.
I know. You told me that I shouldn't call, that it would make things worse. That I would hurt both myself and him even more. He´s in a terrible shape and it's all my fault. His voice sounded dead, without the usuall shimmer that use to be there, it didin't sound like him anymore. I'm.. scared. I'm...

And... before i called.. yeasterday and this monday.. I started to think about.. if we could.. try to be together again... I have been thinking alot the last days.. And my bad selfestem and the lack of love for myself is presumably a lot bigger problem than the my confusion around my relationship with J.
It's My depression that I need to handle. If I can do that, I might be able to live in love without doubt...









1 kommentar:

Amanda sa...

or maybe you just got to the right point. maybe, simply, you got the point.
maybe you were told not to call until your feelings were set, right?
and maybe that was what happened. maybe you were told that it could take a day or half a year and that no one could know, until your feelings settled. and as far as I can see, your feelings have broken their silence and as far as I can see, they have indeed talked to you. told you what you must try to do.
and therefore you did the right thing at the right time and if you can find a way, so can love. it is always that. you must find a way. both of you. you must learn to co-exist, and you must learn to love eachother and yourselves. love has many sides to a coin. maybe you found the right angle, finally, to look at it.
and I wish you all the best and you have my hopes and my thoughts.
good luck.